So your Death Note is broken
by Kaiaken
Summary: It seems that Light's Death note is broken, and instead of death, those who are written in the Light's death note will find themselves condemned to a more...weirder fate.
1. Chapter 1

So your Death-note has broken.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Yes I know that Death Note is a serious show. And this was a tricky fic to write, but I wanted to do it because there aren't enough humour fics with Death note in them. So I figured I would be a little bit more original.

0….0

Yagami Light, a normal high school student. Or so that's what everyone thought. In truth he was the legendary murderer of those who did wrong or crossed his path. He was revered by all in the internet world and feared by all who tried to find him.

He was the infamous person nicknamed "Kira".

Since finding the death-note and getting acquainted with the Shinigami Ryuk, Light's boredom rate had decreased dramatically. He had been killing off those he thought were 'evil' in the world, including those he thought were pointless assets to the world. Heck, just because he was bored he killed off Barney the dinosaur, by means of kids setting him on fire with mentholated spirits and a match. Ryuk remembered what he said to Light after the Barney incident.

…………….

"Why did you kill off that dinosaur?" – Ryuk

"Because I had nothing better to do…." – Light

………………

It was during the afternoon that Light had reached out his fated Death Note. It was the same every after noon. Finish school, get home, get changed, KILL, eat dinner, help his sister with her homework, and KILL time till 11pm. But this particular afternoon would set in motion what was to be, Light's weirdest week ever.

"So who are you going to kill off this time?" Ryuk enquired as he sat on Light's bed, eating his favored of foods - apples. Light placed the death note on his desk and turned to face the Shinigami, his usual smile creeping on his face.

"Today I am killing a rapist," Light replied as he turned away quickly, opening the death note and grabbing his pen. He had a kill record of 20,000 and this was to be his 20, 000 and first kill. He started writing down the name of the person.

_Hyuuga Takanori. Dies of a heart attack at approximately 6:20pm. _

As Light looked up at the ceiling, his first kill for the day completed, he wondered as to whether the agent codenamed 'L' was any closer to finding him. He waited. It was currently 6:18pm so he had to wait for only two more minutes.

_Tick…Tock…Tick…Tock…_ That was the sound that was ringing in Light's ears as he grew impatient. Many would think that killing that many people, it wouldn't be as nerve-racking. But he was always like this before he killed. And though there was only a minute left, he was still anxious for the news.

6:20pm…

Light turned on the TV, expecting the usual headline "Rapist is killed by Kira." But he was about to get the shock of his life.

"This is Rachel Harada of Tokyo News. We have just received word that rapist Hyuuga Takanori, convicted of rape and robbery, has just officially…." The news reporter stopped for a brief moment, adjusting what looked like a problem on her ear piece.

"What was that…? That's not even correct…" Light was confused. Surely this was another "Normal" heart attack, unless…

"Hyuuga Takanori has just officially turned into….a bowl of ice-cream." A stunned look covered Light's face as he turned off the TV. He stood up, went to the window, closed it and with an almighty scream, he bellowed…

"A BOWL OF WHAT?????!!!!!

-……………………….-

This is only the beginning of something chronically weird. Behold me at my most narcotic. No yaoi, just craziness ensued.


	2. Chapter 2

So your Death note is broken

Chapter 2

0…0

"A BOWL OF WHAT????!!!!"

Light was stunned and shocked when he heard the news headlines. _A bowl of ice-cream? He's supposed to be DEAD!_ Light then thought that by turning him into ice-cream, he was technically dead, but that wasn't the point…

The criminal had turned into a dairy product….

Light turned on the TV again as Ryuk watched, amusement covering blood-red eyes. The news headline read: "Criminal has turned into a food-product", and it seemed that everyone at the prison was in a state of panic.

"This is Rachel Harada of Tokyo news, reporting to you live from Shinjuku prison, where Hyuuga Takanori has officially turned into what is believed to be a bowl of ice-cream. Here with us now is Shinichiro Kazuki, the bodyguard of Hyuuga at the time. Tell us what happened." The security guard was a tall, bulky guy. But what caught Light's eye was the fact that the bodyguard was eating….a bowl of ice-cream.

_Don't tell me he's eating what's left of the rapist… _Light thought, feeling slightly disgusted as the interviewer spoke to the bodyguard.

"Shinichiro-san, please tell us in your own words what happened."

"Well Harada-san, I was standing at the cell, doing what I usually did, when I saw Hyuuga Takanori disappear, and in his place sat a bowl of ice-cream."

"And tell me Shinichiro-san; Is that the bowl of ice-cream that replaced Hyuuga?"

"Yes. Who could resist such a treat? And it's good ice-cream too. Want some?" Light couldn't stand anymore of the interview and turned the TV to low volume. Maybe it was a one-off thing.

_I want to test this, to see if it was just a hiccup…_ He saw that on the news that they were interviewing other cell mates, and this is where he found his NEXT test subject. He took his Death note out and wrote down the name of the perpetrator.

_Mizuhara Ryu. Age 25._ Light waited for 40 seconds while they interviewed the 'Test Subject'. Light counted the seconds.

_37…_

_38…_

_39…_

_40!!!_

As he watched the TV, he saw something strange happen. The person wasn't dying, but rather, he was disappearing.

"OH my GOD!!!" the news reporter shouted as everyone turned to the Test Subject. "Cameraman, are you getting this?" The camera zoomed in on Ryu as he, for some unknown reason, turned into…

A carton of milk….

_WHAT THE HELL????_ Light didn't know what was going on. People that were supposed to be dead were instead turning into dairy products. He slumped on his bed, confused and shocked as the TV continued to play. Ryuk stood in the corner, pondering as to whether the Death Note was broken, even pausing his eating to think. After at least 2 to 3 minutes, he finally spoke.

"I have heard stories about Death Notes acting up," Ryuk said at last, gaining Light's attention.

"How did this occur?" inquired the teen as Ryuk continued to think.

"Perhaps it was because you used it too much and the Death Note overloaded or something. Just cause it was created by Death Gods, doesn't mean it can't be broken."

"How long will this last?" Light was worried. Who would respect a god that couldn't kill, rather he just turned wrong-doers into dairy products? Sure it would cure the hunger issues of the world, but still….

"From the stories I heard from the other Death Gods, I think about a week," Ryuk answered as he continued on with his eating of the apples. Light just sighed as he watched the Death God consume the fruit. It was Ryuk's 18th apple. Anymore and Light swore that the Death God would turn INTO an apple. He looked at the Death note and sighed again.

"So does that mean I can't use the Death note for a week…?" Ryuk looked up at Light, grinning as he started on his 19th apple.

"Nope, you still have to use the Death note until the effects wear off."

"But…?"

"How else will the effects go away if you don't use. If you leave the Death note the effects will last longer. So just use it as normal and they will wear off. But it's not to say that the effects will stay the same." Light raised an eyebrow at Ryuk's latest comment.

"Won't stay the same??"

"Well from what I was told, the effects differed, so be prepared for anything…" Ryuk said as he finished the apple and went for his last apple. Light just groaned as he got up and placed the Death note back in his secret drawer.

_Different outcomes? What's that supposed to mean…._? Little did the teenager know that the week would be filled with all sorts of different outcomes, all of which would be slightly straining on Light.

0….0

Now the fun really begins in chapter 3!! Stay tuned!!!


	3. Chapter 3

So your Death Note is Broken

Chapter 3: Much ado about Domesticated Animals

EDITOR'S NOTE: Sorry about the LOOONG wait. I was ill with a kickbutt virus for 3 weeks straight. Still haven't gotten over it yet but getting better….

0…0

The rays of the morning sun seeped into the Yagami household, and for Light, it was one of the few things about the house he absolutely abhorred. He groaned as he pressed his hand against head. It seemed that as soon as he woke up, his head felt as though it were about to crack in half. Light knew there was a reason as to why his head ached, but he had forgotten, which was a bit unusual for Light himself.

The teen shrugged it off, slowly getting out of bed in order not to agitate his head further. He slowly slipped on his slippers, which, due to his mother's poor taste in shoe wear, were pink. He sighed as he reached for the TV, watching the news and waiting for the criminal reports. He pulled out his Death Note from his booby trapped drawer and waited patiently, with pen in hand and a smirk on his face.

A few minutes later the criminal section of the news began and the first perpetrator had appeared: Masashi Yamada, a convicted robber. For some reason however Light's hand began to shake, so his handwriting was a little off however he managed to write the criminal's name. He waited for 40 seconds; however something made him very uneasy. He heard Ryuk laugh in the background and he soon saw why.

"Newsflash! Masashi Yamada has officially turned into a kitten! I repeat, Masashi Yamada has turned into a kitten!!!" Light's pen snapped in half as the youth watched. As he saw the pictures of the cute kitten (which was at one stage the robber), his teeth made noises resembling the sound a person made when grinding their nails against a chalkboard. Light's headache multiplied tenfold as he turned off the TV with his remote.

"Ryuk….why didn't you remind me that the death note was broken," Light seethed behind gritted teeth as Ryuk backed up to the wall. It was at times like these that Ryuk wished that he was playing poker with his fellow death gods.

"Well it's not really like you at all to forget such important information, is it Light," Ryuk snorted as he scoffed at the youth. Light just turned away as he turned on the TV, only to find that the reporter who was at the scene when the criminal turned into a kitten, was cuddling the kitten.

"Awww isn't this kitten adorable?" the female reporter oggled as she cuddled the kitten. Light, for some reason, just chuckled at himself, as he wrote down the names of over 40 criminals. He watched the news, hoping that someone would actually die!

Instead... 2 hrs later...

"10 kittens, 14 puppies, 15 goldfish, 5 budgies and a rat?????" Light bellowed as he threw his death note onto the wall. He slumped onto the bed, sulking to himself as he thought of what his future followers would think of him now that he was turning people into common house pets...

"Ryuk...how long will this go for?" Light groaned through his pillow.

"Well, it's only been 2 days, you have another 5 to go..." Ryuk chuckled as his reply got a muffled scream from Light.

...Another 4 hrs later, assuming this is 6pm in the night...

"25 kittens, 20 puppies, 23 goldfish, 10 budgies, 2 rats, 5 hamsters, 4 mice and a rabbit?" Chief Yagami looked at the papers, a look of shock covering his face.

"That's correct sir," Watari replied in his usual calm fashion. "All 15 fish were safely taken to nearby sinks until man-made ponds could be finished. The prisoners are enjoying the new ponds, except one was apperhended for trying to EAT one of the goldfish."

"And the rest?"

"They're currently being sold to families, and are selling for a high price," Watari simply said, coughing as he continued. He looked at the papers and noticed the price tag of one of the puppies. "The most expensive item was the pedigree Labrador who was previously a serial killer from Hokkaido who was to be hung next week." Chief Yagami, though he was tired, was also interested in how much the puppy sold for.

"So, how much did the puppy sell for?"

"240,000 yen sir." Chief Yagami groaned as he slumped into his chair in disbelief. 240,000 yen? Who would buy a puppy that was previously a killer, for THAT price????

"Well L, have any take on this?" Chief Yagami sighed as he looked at the shadows, seeing the boy eat his fill of cake. Sometimes Chief Yagami thought that L, known as Ryuzaki by the other investigators, was on crack. Hence the bags under his eyes and the pale skin. But then again Chief Yagami also thought that his son was a tightass.

"I think we may have a problem..." L simply spoke in that low, near-lifeless voice that always gave Chief Yagami the rounds of spooks...

------

Yes I took a long time!!! I was ill, VERY ill for days so I couldn't update. But don't worry, this story will be finished.


	4. Chapter 4

So your Death Note is Broken

So your Death Note is Broken

Chapter 3: Gender bending – Death note style.

The weekend, another day and another reason for Light to dread every moment the day ticked away. Not only was his death note broken, the stress was affecting his grades as well. He even missed getting a perfect by half a mark, which wasn't normal because, after all, he was the perfect, upstanding student that all the girls went wild for and….

(Author: BLAH BLAH BLAH!!)

Ahem

Slowly Light dragged himself from the warmth that was his bed, and there, waiting for him on his desk, was his death note. The very object that once gave him pleasure, now gave him more reason to hate the world. But by continuing to use it, he knew he could restore the book back to its old killing purpose. Emitting a sad sigh, Light trundled over to his desk, flicked on the TV and watched the morning news for criminals.

"This is Rachel Harada, reporting to you live from Shibuya." It had started. Light held his pen nervously…

_What kind of madness will I be expecting today...? _ Light began to shudder as he thought of all the possibilites. As he watched the TV the cameraman zoomed in on the man standing on top of the building. He had a gun and was threatening to shoot himself.

"Suichiro Hachiro, age 29, he is currently wanted for armed robbery and arson, and 12 counts of assault," the reporter said as the criminal point the gun to his head, taunting the police and onlookers further. Light sighed again as he wrote the name of the criminal into the book, thinking positively as he did so…

_Maybe the deathnote fixed itself early… I hope so… _

He would later regret being so optimistic…

So as soon as the 40 second mark hit, the man started to transform….

"Oh God are you filming this?" Rachel Harada spoke as the man was suddenly changed into….

A woman, and a busty one at that. It was enough to make Light's eyes pop out.

"The MADNESS will not end. Kira has turned the criminal into a red headed woman…." The criminal looked like he/she was confused. She looked at herself and dissappeared from the top of the building. She reappeared from the main doorway of the building only minutes later, her face beaming as she grabbed her top and with one smooth move, she pulled it up, causing many men to gasp and Light to clasp his head with both hands.

"HEY CHECK OUT MY TITS!!" The newly reborn criminal spoke in the most high picthed, giggly voice known to man. As the woman was escorted by a male officer (who for some reason, had the biggest grin on his face…Author: YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S GOING TO DO :3), Light's face went paler than toilet paper.

_I have to turn criminals into members of the OPPOSITE sex??_ Light thought this was a pretty terrible predicament, however a small part of him thought it would be amusing to see a woman turn into a man. In order to test this theory, he looked on the internet and found a live feed of a woman in a Jail cell. It was from a website labelled "Criminals gone bad" and it showed men and women criminals.

Then one woman caught his eye. Hitomi Kanzaki, arrested for vandalism. He wrote her name down and waited. 40 seconds passed and Light looked closely as Hitomi dropped to the ground. Her inmate ran to her side as she rolled in pain. Light's eyes beamed…

_Come on… DIE!!_ Instead he watched as Hitomi was turned into…

A blonde male with muscles, and big assets too!! Light thought to himself that if he was gay, he would dig that man (lol). The inmate was shocked as she yelled for help.

"HITOMI TURNED INTO A MAN…. A…very good looking man…" Hitomi was perusing his new package before looking at the imate with glazed eyes, his new manhood hardening up instantly.

"Call me 'Hiro' now. Say, you want to give me a go??" The blonde said as Light twiched at the sound of the man's sentence.

_You're JOKING??_ Light twitched more as the inmate leapt towards 'Hiro' and Hiro obliged, carrying the inmate to the bottom bunk, ripping off his pants at the same time. The webcam viewing had now turned into a live porno, and Light really didn't want to watch. He switched off the monitor as the pair began their romp, sweat beads dripping from his face. He turned to Ryuk, who had just appeared from the wall with a wide grin on his face.

"So Ryuk, what do you make of this event…?" Light turned as the shinigami laughed.

"Well, you'll be getting a lot of people excited if these people continue to turn out beautiful." Light grumbled to himself, pouting as he did so.

_I was SUPPOSED to rain hell on wrong-doers and sinners, NOT turn them into envisionments OF GOD!!_ The teen sighed as he turned on the monitor of his computer again, just catching the webcam view of the other inmates watching 'Hiro' and his inmate go at it. He went to the other inmates and started to write the names of as many criminals as he could find.

_4 more days….4 more days!!_ At this point Light was chuckling to himself maniacally, Ryuk instantly taking this as a sign that Light had snapped. He watched, twitching with an insane grin, as all the criminals, about 88 in total, turned into goregeous blondes, brunettes, raven black haired and skin colours of all kinds. And ALL OF THEM WERE BEAUTIFUL!! Light felt like his world was falling apart…

And worse still, he was welcoming the notion… Just as he was about to scream though, Light heard the sound of his mother bellowing out from downstairs.

"Light, it's 12pm, time for lunch!" she rang as Light stood up, his face devoid of life.

"I'll be back with some apples…." He said blankly as Ryuk grinned, the thought of apples exciting the large shinigami….

**--Later that Night—**

"62 women and 38 men. Of those 62 women, 20 are blonde, 12 are red heads, 20 are brunettes and 10 black haired. Also they are of mixed races." Watari debriefed L as the young man listened in, his confusion getting worse.

"What's going on? This definitely isn't like Kira to do this. Could it be that his way of killing people is failing?" L was absolutely baffled, what was Kira doing? "What of those people who got affected?"

"They're on hire by modelling agencies and porn industry tycoons. The porn movie profits are making a good profit for the police." Watari answered. As L looked at the papers, scoffing down a chocolate as he did so, he noticed that an armed robber was missing from the list.

"Wait what happened to….Watari??" L turned to find that Watari had disappeared.

**--Watari's house—**

Watari entered his temporary accommodation, tired from all the investigations and paperwork. A busty brunette was waiting at the door with a skimpy silk dress that would have made any guy oggle madly at her. However the lady was at one stage, a man…

For it was the armed robber that L found missing in the papers.

"Thanks for busting me out old man?" She said in her sweetest voice.

"Good thing I have a fettish for brunettes," the old man smiled as he clasped the lady by the waist. "Now remember the deal…"

"Yes I do, I am you sex slave," She shrugged as she led the man to the room for some much needed 'relief'.

--

Author's note: Yes it's been a long time coming…. Gomen gomen…. My time has been eaten by the Government Job Monster!! :D


End file.
